#12: The push-pull battle.

(beware: do NOT look for sense, logic and the like)

After the last piece on how writing can get tedious, there is no need to ponder over why my update took so long to shape up. Agreed, closing on a topic is a Herculean task, but oh dear, the next phase eludes Mr. Hercules too!

Say you do eventually make peace with the irresolute(the intransigent greys) on what to write about, the extrasensory perceptions get ready to thwart upon thee as much as they can. Some push you so hard you might end up considering a course in literature, while the others pull you back arousing the hedonist inside(o who cares if the world is unlucky to relish thine virtuoso) . And there the battleground stays put for the push and the pull.

The main contender from the pushy side is the need for a vent. These days, the world has become so numb physically that to poke or to tweet, you need a network. In the milieu of such dire circumstances, its both pragmatic and efficient to make your point on a similar forum. There is a chance you could remain unheard but hey, you did blurt it out. A rare subordinate at times could be the passion to write, where there are people who want to write just for the sake of it - and am not talking about those who take up writing as an art.

The pullers, on the other hand, consist of the unremitting showers of lassitude, making you distend and fall back onto the bed to shut them up. These are the monolithic fighters that one cant generally beat. Wonder how the inveterately pushed(avid bloggers) arent so sentient. Another player is one who works with the 'Dravidian' reference frame, where everything around seems to be going fast enough except you. Once you start looking at your writing from this frame, trust me, there is no way you will see the pavilion. This can easily make the pull win without any effort. The other members are those when you start hating the topic you chose after a little dive, or maybe when you love it so much that that you fail to express it.

The result of this battle, quite often, is trivial but it could get atypical at times like these when the push takes over. :) and So..
Here you go, phew! (thanku thanku.. a sublime moment! :P)

See you again when my push wins!
Shampoo

#11: How difficult it is to write.

[Un]Fortunately, one of my friends had to write an article for one of our magazines. How does that matter to me? Come on, I am not one of that kind who would worry about others’ jobs. Else what? Well, fortune kicked me out and took him in when he got a call from the IIMs and had to leave. And the rest is mere trivia that I do not want to explain here as people already think I am verbose. :\ I D C D anyway.

Initially hyper-excited, thanks to a few written flukes in a course, I promised him that I will write an article in place of him in a day or two. Boo! Then started my journey to the No Man’s Land. (Don’t go trolling about the man-woman concept now, I am already vexed enough.) So, I started ‘brain storming’ about the topics to write. Before I tell you what all ideas ‘possessed’ me, its my duty to warn you that I have some very weird qualities and Its OK to have them – and I am perfectly sane for all those who think it is gonna be lame, see I started to rhyme, and plz I don’t need a dime(have patience brats!). 

First and the foremost, I have a very uncanny habit of giving anything and everything I see, a twisted philosophical touch and feel extremely bewildered about the realization. Add to it, all the psychology I learnt in two courses. My thoughts found a new vent and boom! It started with a friend talking about how bad and sad her life is. After giving her an enlightening lecture till she threw me out of the room, I decided to write on “Life and how people percieve it”. (heavy sigh- :\) I started with “Oh God! Why did you give me this life?” and surprisingly ended it there as I couldn’t think of which of the myriad number of instances I should quote. Damn.

The next thing that makes my hair go hay-wire is when I hear about prodigies who achieved so much in life at a very early stage. I sense a mixture of envy, jealousy and all such –nessnessness feelings in myself at that point. And those are what led to me to write on “Why couldn’t I have done it?” And with a strong push of adrenaline, I started – “I donno about you but whenever I have an encounter with facts like these, I am no more what I was the second before- one would find me go silent and numb for a few seconds- in a state of deep self analysis that WHY I am not like them. After a lot of - ”?????  After a lot of what?! @#!@!#! EnougH! Period.

Installing a last ray of hope in my otherwise ‘blue-dead’ system, the feminist inside me spoke and said – ‘Being a girl’. And then I waited on and on and on. It did not speak again.

Then I tried putting a stop to my grey cells which were apparently turning gray :( But still, they didn’t listen to me. Things ranging from – ‘A Jekyll and Hyde Realization’, which was supposedly supposed to be on the different angles in a person inspired from a course, ‘The Hype tributes to Celebs’ on why the celebrities are hyped so much when they in reality are simply doing their work like anyone to abstract stuff like ‘etymology of words’, which I guess GRE prep gave me and then to ‘solace in solitude’, on how and what different people do to win over solitude, and to even worser ones where I ran the whole wide circle and ran back to pavilion into philosophy. 

After all this drama, a brilliant idea finally came to me- and that was.. to search on the internet! (:\ yea, it seemed brilliant then) And so I went ‘onto’ the internet and searched, never did I even dream I would do it, but I did about ‘Topics to write’ and Ka-boom! A flood of them out there like ‘How I use Facebook’(yeah right!), ‘Ten Guiltiest Pleasures’(pardon me! WhAt!), ‘Who knows me best?’, ‘An unforgettable dream’and then URGH!!!

Then at that point I felt it. Infact, I knew it from long. The ugly blatant truth. It is very difficult to write. A final Period.

Abbreviations: I D C D: I Don’t Care a Damn; Courtesy: ask any ’12,iith being.

#10: Life enroute

Too many things going on in my world right now.. (reminds me of my travel back home.. dont let any questions crop up.. have some patience) Suddenly it feels like it has drifted into a new dimension with things upside down.. but all u need at that time is a Jack Sparrow to bring things back into place.. guess i do have one in my own world.. and voila! thrz my post after a long long time. :P

As I did mention before, the traffic inside my brain reminded me of the traffic I witness on the way home. There is this road at the railway station I have to cross to get to the bus stop.... that road is the busiest i have ever seen till now.. and mind you! every damn minute of the day.. so full of life!

it starts with these irritating pedestrians who keep crossing the roads as if some tiger or a lion is chasing them, with the only motto to reach the other shore, they march on, irrespective of the traffic.. all the more irritating are those pink shirted ladies with goggles, sitting in the cars, one in each with an ugly scorn.. i wonder how peaceful, it actually might get when they start using their feet to travel someday.. m sure they wont even occupy 1/10th the place their cars do.. if they would bother atleast a millionth fraction about the size of their cars instead of theirs and how uneasy it gets on roads like these.. phew! life wud be better for all.. then ofcourse, we have our very own roadside vendors marking every inch of the footpath they discover into their territory - one positive point about this is that they make sure there is no room for people to flock around any corner.. but we, humans, dont really need a corner.. coupled with a few, we can keep on bargaining and fighting with the vendor infront of his bandi, even if it means blocking the road!.. then the actual bandis go 'honk!honk!' all around the place amplifying the already ubiquitous irritation.. leaving them alone, these days with the 'aping' season on.. one who travels on Indian roads sees a lot of male and female buddies hanging around almost everywhere.. yes, i AM talking about the great Indian roads, dude, it was alien-ish when it started, but now its more of an eyesore.. Amidst all this, there is a temple carved along the side with all the footwear decorating its outside, every passer-by stops, removes his chappal, puts a namaskaram praying the Lord to grant his wish of the day and moves on.. and yes where there is a temple or any 'life' around, there are inherently our road mates - the beggars - some are authentic while some actually threaten you till you lose some of your hard-earned lot(if at all you are one who do that else there is no big difference where the money goes)..  And by the way, did I mention that this small thing(road) has a divider in between too! So, its when I reach this place that the sense of 'going home' dawns in.

There is a lot more that goes on around the place.. and its best seen than read. So, anyone who wants to make a visit to such a 'lively' place, can contact me anytime!

Waiting for a good response :P
Shampoo

#9: The ruccus on-board!

I should rather say overboard.. or may be over-boreddd i think.. hmm anyway getting u back to my arena.. well.. the pitch looks rather bad.. not fit for another innings but the two sides are strong on playing and the decision is taken! damn.. left to the players luck now! the ball could bounce, spin or fly however it wants!

dude.. i haven't yet gone crazy but a lot of cricket watching and 'anna-hazare'-ing does motivate u to do something like this! kinda showing off u know. ;) coz it looks like there is nothing else left.. what a turn of events.. m i watching a movie? then.. must i say, God.. u r the awsomest director i have seen. so much entropy.. apriori as well as aposteriori.. damn! (explanation follows.. patience....)

lets rotate around some 'morteins' and get back to the time before cricket and any other rukkus.. life seems to be at peace.. project goingg ok ok.. acads too a lil better.. and recently an intern confirmed.. phew! and i lived on n on.. only to realize had to wake up later.. the intern said lil difficult when its time one packs up.. so tried for another.. it kept me dangling till a three days before the start of my innings..(endsems!).. n then acads... this whole one midsem concept.. donno what effect its gonna show..  my last chance to prove to my ppl.. (hope my 'boys' [-incidentally i don't have a lady prof-] will do a great job with the papers.. :P) .. they have turned out to be more uncertain than the conditions in Japan.. m so tired of doing things over n over n over again when i clearly know what difference it makes.. well.. some say these do not make life... so chill babe.. then temme what do make life?? please..

M waiting!
Shampoo

P.S. - Sometimes.. uncertainties do make life interesting init? never thought I d blog again but damn I so am.. the moral is - it never is a stand-still... you r surely on a positive or a negative slope.. but watever it is.. it cant go more than pi/2.. so try reaching pi and keep your mental state there.. ;) :D
'preaching is easy', somehow is making a great deal of sense right at this moment, right?! well.. something izzzzzz.. :D

#8: The infant inside..

It always is weird to talk about yourself, one's brain gets bombarded with a lot of calculations. Can I say this? If I say, will it be SD("Self-Dabba") ? If I dont say it, will people think I am a big duffer?

Keeping all this aside, (I hope you do too), I would like to talk about what life is on my inside. I am a kid, in the way, I would love it if daddy would hug me and say I love you. I am a kid, in the way that I would lovvee to fight with my bro wheneva he is home on petty issues.. that I would love to make as many friends as possible, that one day, as I pass by, I dream to see everyone I can recognize, stop by and have a long chat... that I would love to spend time with people close.. that I don't hide anything with them... that I cant keep a secret(:P)... that I don't really think before I speak in front of them.. that at times, I get too possessive of them.. that I dont expect or want big gifts or lucrative treats, but a sweet smile and a strong support when I stand aloof in a game and want someone to continue playing...

The world outside seems full of malignancy, which needs to be rooted out. It was peaceful till there were people who were bearing your responsibility, but then all of a sudden, when you realize you are at that same position next.. it takes some time to adapt and adjust.. and in the meantime, there is a climb.. (gets me reminded of the song :P) it is all that matters..

I am sure everyone my age, will experience this.. and everyone has an inside that is similar to mine.. but why then does it have to be so difficult..so complicated.. due to the same child within? I never understood...
Shampoo

#7: The Cross-roads yet again

Yes, in this journey of mine, i do witness a lot of them. Rather, every student of my age does. In this rich world of science, it is very tedious a job to choose the right road lest one might end up reciting “The Road Not Taken”. Me, a “bachelor” right now have to become a “Master” soon. Yeah Right! Master of? That is where the cross-roads form.

Everything looks equally appealing, equally good and bad. What is it that makes me feel rightful? What is it that makes me feel satisfied? There is no answer unless i enter the 5th dimension and look at the 6th then. (refer to: www.tenthdimension.com) How I wish there was a meter to measure that. Sometimes, it just feels like – Cmon,go with the flow, take up whatever comes up and move on. But what if i end up being a Master of none?

Am I so ignorant that I can not even choose what I want at the age of 20 too?? Well, i do not know how idiotic this can sound, but it was always nice when there was someone else to decide for us, like at the age of 4. At that time, dude, one doznt know what he might be upto. The elders choose for him. Its almost the same here. We think we know what we are going to do but du-uH! I so totally disagree. So do many, who follow, -not judging book by cover-ish stuff.

hoping not having to recite poems in future,
Shampoo.

PS: Ignore this post if you dont like any philo or emo.

#6:The lexicon I live in

Do NOT blame me for the post. The other day, in my probability class, the words that were so fluently ejecting off my prof are the ones which obviated my next step.  He was busy trying to feed our brains with some useful desserts (probably), while one of that was busy configuring the syntax of the food. :P

Hello!, such was the word power then! I wonder if I could get a good GRE score at the end somehow after i finish the course(which is also a probability :P) Yeah, so lets not ‘digress’. This ‘digression’ was where he led us to in the first class itself. So did I digress.. not to the destination he took the class to, though. Well, forget that and lets continue our discussion with ‘tenacity’. As i was saying, there are a lot of varieties in the profs you come across, and poor brain needs to have such a huge ram to switch its compatibilities from one to the other with good efficiency and reasonably needed frequency. ufff..

With so much of processing already being done, if a new task comes up, a high priority interrupt is raised and the system shuts. Though, sometimes, one might experience ‘serendipity’ on the way. Such cases are exceptional, mind you!  In some cases, the system just heats up and that might lead to a fatal flaw. :-o Anyway, thank God, that he has given the students enough size of ram to prioritize things properly, with tools like proxies, but damn! i just came to know there are profs who detect forgery with the blink of an eye! aaargh! And people still say, God plays fair!! well, maybe he does, who knoes that guy might have used up full ram while doing it, which, can not be done by people like me, with already so much parallel processing taking place. :D whatever, i like this ‘conjecture’ and please myself so.

geee.. :D
Shampooo

PS:  The ‘quoted’ ones were the literal words the prof i mentioned in the beginning used- viral, init!? :P